Happiness Project

What does it take to make you happy? Many people spend their whole lives, all their time and energy, pursuing happiness, and never achieving it. They think, "If only X would happen, then I would be happy." When (if) X happens, they are happy for a short time, then they realize that it wasn't X they were missing, but something else, which becomes their next "If only...".
I agree with Rabbi H. Schachtel that "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."  Acquiring things may give you a momentary spurt of pleasure, but it can't substitute for pure, in-the-soul happiness. So if real happiness comes from wanting what you have, what do you do if life has given you too much that you don't want- pain, illness, fatigue, poverty, conflict, etc.
A very important idea is to remember that your illness (or whatever you have) is only a part of who you are. Give your illness the attention it requires to cope with it effectively, and no more. i.e., take your meds, go to the doctor, etc., but don't dwell on your symptoms. If you need to keep a pain log, or log of other symptoms, do so only for as long as is needed to get the information you are seeking, then stop keeping the log. This kind of log tends to maintain focus on the negative aspects. Remember that it is easier to keep pain under control than it is to get it back under control. It is better to take pain meds consistently than to consistently be wondering if you should take them. Keep an ongoing Gratitude Journal- when you wake up, when you go to bed, or whatever time of day would be most beneficial to you, write down 5 specific things for which you are grateful. Or, keep the Journal nearby, and use it throughout the day. Counter each negative thought with a positive: I can't walk around the block anymore, but I can walk to the nearby store and back. Be active in your life, your family and your community. Treat yourself and others with kindness and acceptance.
Check out www.happiness-project.com for more ideas. I first started reading Gretchen Rubin's monthly column in Good Housekeeping magazine, then explored her website. Now I subscribe to her daily blog, and her daily happiness quotation. She has written several books, two of which are about happiness. The first one, The Happiness Project, was about her year exploring happiness, and as her blog subtitle states, her "Experiments in  the Practice of Every Day Life". The second book, Happier at Home is about making your home a happier place to be. The Happiness Project has become a movement, with groups all over the world dedicated to the exploration and pursuit of happiness. Browse through the Tips and Quizzes tab, and the Your Happiness Project tab for lots of 'how-to's.              

The Power of "Thank You"

I have written several times about being grateful for what you have, looking for the the positives in life, etc. I actually think it is a sad comment on our society that we need a day on which to give thanks, when we would do much better as individuals and as a nation if we were thankful every day. Generally when we think about 'giving thanks' on Thanksgiving, we mean thanking God for the bounty that we have in our lives. That is also the kind of thanks we imply when we say we are grateful for something. I want to talk about another kind of thanks.

Imagine a world where everyone said “Thank you”, every time someone did something nice for them. Imagine hearing that 'Thank you”, and how good it would make you feel. (Actually, for most of us, doing something nice for someone makes us feel good in itself, the “Thank you” is just a bonus.) On the other hand, if you do nice things for someone and they never acknowledge it, you may wonder why you bother.

So you do something nice, and get that good feeling, and they thank you, which makes you feel even better, prompting you to do more nice things... Imagine this happening again and again to you, to the people you do nice things for, the people they do nice things for, and it snowballs, collecting more and more people both doing nice things for others, and saying “Thank you” when someone does something nice for them.

Saying 'Thank you” is not just for when someone does something out of the ordinary, or for strangers. It is also for the person who makes your dinner, takes out your garbage, etc., to let them know you appreciate what they do for you. It would get tedious to both say and to hear 'Thank you” every time for every little thing, especially for things that the person does on a regular basis. How about making a point to say “Thank you” at least once a day (or once a week, or whatever time-frame seems appropriate for less frequent things).

Let's start an appreciation revolution, making sure that the people who help us and are there for us know how much we appreciate them and what they do. Make saying “Thank you” a habit, and pass it on. Thank you for reading this.  

Positive Thoughts on Chronic Illness

Yesterday in my Chronic Illness/Chronic Pain Support Group, we talked about Managing Emotions.  Huge topic. One thing that I did was to have everyone take 5 Post-it notes, and on each one, write an emotion they have or have had related to their pain or illness.  I had a poster divided into 4 quadrants, labeled Mad, Sad, Glad and Afraid.  All emotions can fit into one of those emotions, or a combination of them.  I had everyone place their Post-it notes on the board wherever they thought they best fit.
We had no surprise when we saw that the fullest quadrant was Mad, followed closely by Sad and Afraid.  There were only 2 Post-its in the Glad quadrant.  Some people were surprised there were any in that quadrant at all.  Who would be glad to have chronic pain or illness?  What positive feelings could possibly come from being sick and hurting all the time?  One of the Glad words was mine, the other was from someone who I know from our local Sjogren's Syndrome Support Group which I co-lead.  Her word was 'surprised'.  She said she is surprised when she has times when she feels good and can do what she wants to do. I like her use of that word.  She could have used 'pleased', and that would have covered the basic feeling, but 'surprised' has another connotation to it. 'Surprised' includes an aspect of  an unexpected gift. When you are used to not feeling well, having a day when you do feel well is truly a most pleasant unexpected gift.
The Glad word that I contributed was 'grateful'.  That word has several meanings for me here.  I am grateful that at this point, my issues have settled down into manageability, and my pain is not constant.  Various parts hurt when I do various things, but I do have times during the day when I can pretend that nothing is wrong with my body.  The other way I am grateful is for how it has changed my life.  If I did not have pain and illness, I would likely be working full time, and not only would I not have time to write this blog and run my support group, but I likely would not have thought of doing these things.  I have a nice mix of things I do with my time, and my illness has allowed me the opportunity to do them.
As I write this, some other positive thoughts come to mind.  Because of my illness and pain, I have learned patience. I have learned mindfulness. I have had more time to devote to my art and to writing.   I have met many people I would not have met.  I have done some traveling (to the national Sjogren's Syndrome Foundation patient conferences). I have time to nap during the day if I need to, which I just did.  You probably didn't even notice I was missing for awhile between the last paragraph and this one.

Gratitude Makes You Happier and Healthier

On Thanksgiving Day, my husband went to buy a newspaper.  The drugstore was all sold out of the local paper, the Akron Beacon Journal, so he got the Cleveland Plain Dealer instead. One of my favorite writers, Regina Brett, left the Beacon Journal several years ago, and now writes for the Plain Dealer (as well as writing a book and hosting a weekly radio call in show), so I got a chance to read her column again.  Her commentary on Thanksgiving Day was on being grateful, a favorite topic of mine.  She wrote about a Wall Street Journal (WSJ) story that ran this week subtitled: 'Grateful People Are Happier, Healthier Long After the Leftovers Are Gobbled Up".  The story stated scientific evidence shows that people who feel grateful have more energy, earn more money, and sleep better, among many other benefits.
I wondered which came first, the gratefulness, or the increased energy and money and better sleep?  I know that for me, when I sleep better and have more energy, I feel much more grateful than when I am fatigued and awake half the night.  I looked up the WSJ article to find out.  It said that most of the studies looked at associations, not cause and effect, so it was unclear which came first.  They did cite a couple of studies that specifically looked at this question.  In one, researchers took over 100 undergrad students, and randomly divided them into three groups.  One group wrote five things for which they were grateful during the past week for 10 weeks, the next wrote five things that annoyed them each week, and the third group wrote five events that occurred.  The group that wrote things for which they were grateful reported having fewer health complaints, exercising more regularly and felt better about their lives in general than the other two groups.  This demonstrates that experiencing gratitude really does have positive effects on the individual.
The article suggests ways to practice gratitude, including common suggestions, such as keeping a gratitude journal, counting your blessings, and using positive language whether talking to others or yourself.  Brett mentions two techniques for practicing gratitude she learned from the WSJ which are also new to me. One is to write your letter of thanks, but instead of mailing it, deliver it in person or on the phone.  This way, you get to experience the joy you bring to the other person.
The other idea is to find a gratitude accountability buddy with whom you can exchange gratitude lists. On TalkSjo, one of the Sjogren's Syndrome email lists I subscribe to, several people post their 'Monday Gratitude List' each week. Sometimes if I am in a hurry, I skip or just skim over these lists, but usually I enjoy reading them.  We vicariously share the joys of each other's lives, just as we share the trials of having the same chronic illness.  Just imagine how miserable life would be if we focused on the trials, and never noticed the joys.  On second thought, forget that.  Instead, imagine how glorious life would be if we focused on the trials only long enough to manage them, and spent most of our energy focusing on the joys. Misery loves company, so does joy.