This is the season for everyone to write about how to survive the holidays. I have some input on that topic as someone trying to survive the holidays while coping with pain, fatigue, etc. My main strategy is to spread things out. This involves two aspects: one is to delegate, ie, spread things out among several people. The way my family does holidays, the hostess decides on the menu, then gives out assignments. The other aspect of spreading things out is to start way ahead of time, and not do too much in any single day/spree.
For Thanksgiving last week, we had our gathering at our apartment on Saturday, because our son couldn't get home until Friday. My husband did the turkey, that is his area of expertise, cooking-wise. My sister brought the sweet potatoes and pies, my brother brought the salad. I made the cranberry relish and dressing (using gluten free bread). We had a simple appetizer of chips and salsa.
I was off work last week, so I did house cleaning tasks each day early in the week. Wednesday I toasted and broke up the bread for the dressing. Thursday I made the cranberry relish, so my husband and I could have some for our 'mini Thanksgiving feast'. Friday I made the dressing, then cooked it Saturday morning in a slow cooker.Most of my tasks were done before the day the family gathered, so I was able to relax and enjoy the company and the feast without too much fatigue or having to rush around.
I simplified the holiday in several ways. I served a no-fuss appetizer. The menu was elaborate enough to feel like a feast, without excess: we don't need three kinds of vegetables and two kinds of potatoes. I organized my time so that I had enough energy to enjoy the holiday.
My son and his girlfriend set the table, brought in chairs, carried in the food, etc. My brother and his girlfriend did alot of the table clearing and cleanup. I made sure that before everyone left, the table was shrunk back to its everyday size, the extra table leaves, pads and chairs were put away, and the table cloth was in the laundry room ready to be washed.
Thanksgiving is over here in the US, but many of us have holidays to celebrate in December as well. I have given some examples above of ways to simplify and spread out the work, here are some other ideas. You don't have to cook from scratch. There are some good cake mixes, prepared cookie dough, and ready to heat and serve frozen foods, etc. Even better, many grocery stores now have fresh cooked food, and many restaurants have menu items you can pick up and serve at home. Some grocery stores have delivery service, as do some restaurants. If you can afford it, hire someone to do the cooking, serving and cleaning up (before and after), or just part of those tasks. Buy presents online, many places will even wrap them, add a card, and deliver them to your recipients. Or, give money or store gift cards, along with a nice card.
Take care of yourself, and structure your holidays so that you enjoy them. What can you do to spread out your tasks and simplify?
BUTTERFLY BANNER
Papercut and colored pencil art by Sheryl Aronson X 5
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Communicating about your Illness
I just read an article about programs at The Gathering Place in Cleveland, Ohio that help children cope when a family member has cancer. The Gathering Place has a variety of good programs that help not only the person with cancer, but also the whole family. When one person in a family becomes ill, it affects every member of the family, and changes the dynamics of the family as a whole. This particular article was about cancer, but this is true for any illness or injury.
If you have chronic pain or illness, you have likely noticed that people treat you differently. Maybe they tiptoe around you, or leave you out of the loop, or think you are faking. There are many other possible ways that you may be treated by others who aren't sure how to relate to you now. This article included helpful suggestions for how to discuss your cancer with your children (and other people). These suggestions, with a few minor changes, are good advice for any of us, in relating to our loved ones about our illness. Here are nine suggestions from the article, the parentheses are my additions :
1. Use the word "cancer" (or Fibromyalgia, or Sjogren's Syndrome, or whatever it is you have. Their point is that cancer is a very emotion-laden word, using it will help to normalize it. My point is that by using the name of whatever you have you will help to educate people about it.)
2. Don't try to hide it. (If it affects you, it affects them. Trying to hide what you are going through leaves them out of your loop.)
3. Be specific about which body part(s) is (are) affected.
4. Ask them what they think cancer (Fibromyalgia, etc.) is. This gives you a chance to correct any misconceptions.)
5. Explain what will happen next.
6. Tell them there will be good days and bad days.
7. Reinforce that you still love them.
8. Don't make promises you may not be able to keep.
9. Don't limit it to one conversation.
I would add a few other thoughts: Keep the doors of communication open. Let others express their thoughts and feelings about what is going on. Let them know you recognize that your illness impacts their lives, not just your own. Express your appreciation of their support and for all they do for you. The key is not to dwell on your illness, but don't be secretive about it, either.
The article was titled 'Helping children cope with a loved one's cancer', published in the spring 2012 issue of Balanced Living magazine.
If you have chronic pain or illness, you have likely noticed that people treat you differently. Maybe they tiptoe around you, or leave you out of the loop, or think you are faking. There are many other possible ways that you may be treated by others who aren't sure how to relate to you now. This article included helpful suggestions for how to discuss your cancer with your children (and other people). These suggestions, with a few minor changes, are good advice for any of us, in relating to our loved ones about our illness. Here are nine suggestions from the article, the parentheses are my additions :
1. Use the word "cancer" (or Fibromyalgia, or Sjogren's Syndrome, or whatever it is you have. Their point is that cancer is a very emotion-laden word, using it will help to normalize it. My point is that by using the name of whatever you have you will help to educate people about it.)
2. Don't try to hide it. (If it affects you, it affects them. Trying to hide what you are going through leaves them out of your loop.)
3. Be specific about which body part(s) is (are) affected.
4. Ask them what they think cancer (Fibromyalgia, etc.) is. This gives you a chance to correct any misconceptions.)
5. Explain what will happen next.
6. Tell them there will be good days and bad days.
7. Reinforce that you still love them.
8. Don't make promises you may not be able to keep.
9. Don't limit it to one conversation.
I would add a few other thoughts: Keep the doors of communication open. Let others express their thoughts and feelings about what is going on. Let them know you recognize that your illness impacts their lives, not just your own. Express your appreciation of their support and for all they do for you. The key is not to dwell on your illness, but don't be secretive about it, either.
The article was titled 'Helping children cope with a loved one's cancer', published in the spring 2012 issue of Balanced Living magazine.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Love 'em While You Got 'em
My aunt died this past week, and the funeral is today. She, my uncle and another aunt, along with my sister and her family and my brother all live(d) in the eastern suburbs of Cleveland, OH, about 45 minutes north of me.
My mom used to live there, too, before she died 3 years ago. For the last 3 years of my mother's life, I drove up there weekly. Initially, we would go out to lunch and go shopping, or do errands, whatever my mom needed or wanted that week. She was using a cane when this started, then went to a walker, then a wheelchair, but we still continued to go out. When it got so that she could no longer get in and out of my minivan with my help, I would just hang out with her for the afternoon, going to whatever the program was that day at her nursing home, or sit outside and talk, or go to the little ice cream parlor they had there. We had ice cream together less than a week before she died. I cherish these times we had together.
My mom had two brothers. The aunt who just died was married to the only one of those three siblings who is left. My other aunt I mentioned above was married to my mom's other brother. My sister and brother are more involved in our extended family than I am. They call the aunts/uncles more than I do. They get together with the cousins sometimes, both the ones who live in town, and the ones who come to town to visit. I generally just get together with them if one of my siblings calls me and says they are getting together with so and so, do I want to join them?
I have lots of excuses, not very many reasons. Distance is one excuse. Though it is definitely farther for me, I could do it if I really wanted to. Time is another excuse. I have too many things I am involved in. Everyone is busy. What makes me a special case? Fatigue is yet another excuse. I used to go up there to see my mom every week, even during a period of time when my fatigue level was much worse than it has been lately. Phone calls are quicker than driving up for a visit. For some reason, I have aways disliked making phone calls, though once we are talking, I generally enjoy it..
There are not very many of our parents' generation left, and all are in their 80's. Our generation ranges from the mid 40's to early 60's, including the cousins. When our mom died, my sister and I talked about the fear that the family would lose its cohesiveness. We have tried not to let that happen, but I must confess that my siblings all make more effort than I do (there is a fourth sibling, a brother in Texas [Hi Eric, Ruth and Clara]).
The title of this post, 'Love 'em While You Got 'em', is a reminder to me and to my readers that we can't turn back time. Life is not forever. We all make our own choices of how we spend our time, energy and other resources. We set our own priorities. I could choose to make contact with my family a higher priority. I can say that I will do that, and I really would like it to be true, in theory. In actuality, I know myself well enough to know that I likely will not change much.
My mom used to live there, too, before she died 3 years ago. For the last 3 years of my mother's life, I drove up there weekly. Initially, we would go out to lunch and go shopping, or do errands, whatever my mom needed or wanted that week. She was using a cane when this started, then went to a walker, then a wheelchair, but we still continued to go out. When it got so that she could no longer get in and out of my minivan with my help, I would just hang out with her for the afternoon, going to whatever the program was that day at her nursing home, or sit outside and talk, or go to the little ice cream parlor they had there. We had ice cream together less than a week before she died. I cherish these times we had together.
My mom had two brothers. The aunt who just died was married to the only one of those three siblings who is left. My other aunt I mentioned above was married to my mom's other brother. My sister and brother are more involved in our extended family than I am. They call the aunts/uncles more than I do. They get together with the cousins sometimes, both the ones who live in town, and the ones who come to town to visit. I generally just get together with them if one of my siblings calls me and says they are getting together with so and so, do I want to join them?
I have lots of excuses, not very many reasons. Distance is one excuse. Though it is definitely farther for me, I could do it if I really wanted to. Time is another excuse. I have too many things I am involved in. Everyone is busy. What makes me a special case? Fatigue is yet another excuse. I used to go up there to see my mom every week, even during a period of time when my fatigue level was much worse than it has been lately. Phone calls are quicker than driving up for a visit. For some reason, I have aways disliked making phone calls, though once we are talking, I generally enjoy it..
There are not very many of our parents' generation left, and all are in their 80's. Our generation ranges from the mid 40's to early 60's, including the cousins. When our mom died, my sister and I talked about the fear that the family would lose its cohesiveness. We have tried not to let that happen, but I must confess that my siblings all make more effort than I do (there is a fourth sibling, a brother in Texas [Hi Eric, Ruth and Clara]).
The title of this post, 'Love 'em While You Got 'em', is a reminder to me and to my readers that we can't turn back time. Life is not forever. We all make our own choices of how we spend our time, energy and other resources. We set our own priorities. I could choose to make contact with my family a higher priority. I can say that I will do that, and I really would like it to be true, in theory. In actuality, I know myself well enough to know that I likely will not change much.
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