Anger Management

This week's support group topic was Anger Management.  There are many things in our lives that can make us angry.  Besides the things that are common in our society: other drivers, demanding bosses, whining or defiant children, things that break when you need them most, etc., people living with chronic pain or illness have extra causes of anger.  Our lives have been disrupted and turned upside down, we have symptoms that won't leave us alone, things that used to be easy are now impossible.  Here are some excerpts from my group.

Anger is how you may feel when you get what you don't want, or want what you don't get.

Anger is not right or wrong, but what you do when you are angry can be.

Feelings are your reactions to the world around you. Situations don't trigger feelings, your interpretation of situations trigger feelings.

Anger can:

Motivate you to work harder.

Serve as a warning that something is wrong.

Give you a burst of energy and strength to get you out of danger.

Communicate your needs to you and others.

Anger can also:

Control your thoughts.

Ruin relationships.

Cause pain.

Disrupt your life.

Anger is a problem if:

it is too frequent

it is too intense

it lasts too long

it leads to aggression

it disrupts work or relationships

Anger can be constructive or destructive. Ask yourself, “Does my anger fit the facts of the situation?” “Is the intensity of my anger appropriate?” “Is it worth getting angry about?” “Is my anger helping me or hurting me?”

If your anger motivates you to take positive action to fix a problem, it is helping you.

If your anger prompts thoughts to harm someone or something, including yourself, it is hurting you.

If your anger is hurting you, if it or its intensity doesn't fit the facts, try Opposite Action:

1. Step back from the situation.
2. Unclench your hands, turn them palms up. Unclench your teeth, relax your face muscles, and smile a half smile. Relax your chest and stomach muscles.
3. Take a deep breath, let it out slowly. Do this 2-4 more times, until you are calmer.
4. Think about what your anger is urging you to do.
5. Do the opposite of what your urges tell you.

eg. If you want to hurt another person, imagine stepping into their shoes, and understanding their point of view. Imagine really good reasons for what has happened.

Do something a little bit nice (rather than mean or insulting).

Try it out:

1. What gets you angry?
2. Ask yourself, “Does my anger fit the facts of the situation?” “Is the intensity of my anger appropriate?” “Is it worth getting angry about?” “Is my anger helping me or hurting me?”
3. Unclench your hands, turn them palms up. Unclench your teeth, relax your face muscles, and smile a half smile. Relax your chest and stomach muscles.
4. Take a deep breath, let it out slowly. Do this 2-4 more times, until you are calmer.
5. What does your anger urge you to do?
6. What would be the opposite of what your urges tell you?

Even if your anger is appropriate for the situation, this process can calm you and help you think more clearly.