I Love My Gardens

Gardening is very refreshing.  I love going to my garden boxes and picking fresh tomatoes to eat.  When we lived in our house there were several large garden areas, all with lots of weeds to pull.  I spent many hours pulling weeds and fighting with plants, trying to get something to grow that would look decent.  I even transplanted buttercup plants that were growing wild in the yard into the garden areas, so at least something would be growing there.  I never really enjoyed this type of gardening because I never seemed to get control of things enough to grow anything I really wanted.
Now that we live in our apartment, I have two garden boxes, each around 10 feet long and 3 feet wide, and raised up from the ground about 1 foot.  (I am guessing at the measurements, I don't remember what they really are).  Since we just had them put in in May, and they are separate from other land masses, they are not overrun with weeds.  I was able to actually plant and tend plants, not fight weeds.
One box is flowers, I don't remember what all of them are called.  I do have a couple of varieties of Indian blanket, and a huge mass of zinnias.  When we were putting in the garden boxes our new next door neighbor came over and gave us bottles of cold water, and she also gave me a couple of packets of seeds.  The packets were for marigolds and zinnias, both of them dated 2009.  (I didn't point this out to her.)  I scattered them in my garden box, and watered them faithfully.  The marigolds never came up, but the zinnias are the hardiest, healthiest plants in the garden, covered with profuse flowers.
The other garden box is veggies and herbs.  I had two cucumber plants.  One grew one cucumber, then died.  The other grew so huge, it looked like it wanted to take over the garden.  I got lots of cucumbers from this plant, but for some reason, they were bitter.  I cut off the stem end and peeled them, which got rid of most of the bitterness, and marinated them in a balsamic vinegar/brown sugar concoction, and they tasted fine.  I have two pepper plants, one gave me one nice, big red pepper, and several puny ones, the other gave me about 10 small light yellow peppers (the tag said they were supposed to be red, which was what I wanted).
The tomatoes are the pride of the garden, giving me profuse red and orange cherry tomatoes, fun to pop in the mouth and squish.  Yum!!!  I also have a couple of kinds of basil and sage, and a prolific mint plant (mint always seems to be prolific).  My favorite of the herbs is lemon verbena.  I carry a water bottle around with me wherever I go.  This summer, every morning, I pick a sprig of mint and three lemon verbena leaves, crush them a bit, and put them in my water.  It makes a very refreshing drink.  I just keep adding more water as needed.  
I am really enjoying having a manageable garden to tend.  It gets me outside for a little while most days, to water, remove dead flowers and leaves, and to pick my produce.  The tomatoes taste better than store bought (too bad the other veggies didn't).  But that is okay.  I grew them, and that gave them a specialness.  I feel pride from my gardens.  Nurturing a garden nurtures me.  The time I spend in my gardens is productive time, I can see the fruit of my labors, literally.  It gives me a little physical activity.  Gardening is a great way to get rid of stress and anxiety.  A garden is so tranquil it can't help but rub off on the gardener.  This site on backyard gardening gives a long list of benefits of gardening.

Body Mapping

Body mapping is a process of identifying how the different areas of your body feel, and mapping or drawing them.  If you have chronic pain or illness, or are recovering from an illness or injury, this can be a helpful way to identify areas that need care, and to track your body’s condition.  The basic process is to relax and focus on your body sensations for a few minutes, then to visualize them in colors and shapes, and draw what you visualized. 

The materials you need include an outline of a body and colored pencils, crayons or markers.  Starting with a blank piece of paper, the first step is to draw a general outline of your body.  It does not have to be accurate, just as long as it is identifiable as a human body.  If you plan to do this exercise more than once, you can make copies of it.  Trace it, scan it into your computer and print it out, or take it to any place that has a copy machine, or can make copies for you.  Make your body outline any size you like.  You can do this regularly and keep it in a binder or journal, 8 ½” x 11” would be most convenient for this.

Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for 15-20 minutes, and have your materials ready.  Sit comfortably and close your eyes.  Take in a slow, deep breath, and let it out slowly.  Do this 2-4 more times.  As you do this, try to relax your muscles with each breath out.  Starting at your head, scan your body slowly.  Focus in on any area where you notice sensations such as pain, pulling, tingling, tickling, heat or cold.  Is it sharp, throbbing, localized, radiating?  Try to visualize what it would look like: colors, lines, shapes.  Continue scanning the rest of your body, down your neck and your torso, each arm and each leg, stopping and focusing wherever you need to. When done, open your eyes and draw what you visualized.  Not everyone is able to visualize sensations, for many people it takes practice.  If you were not able to visualize, go ahead and draw anyway.  What colors and shapes seem to fit with the sensations?  Try not to think about this too deeply.  Just pick up a pencil or crayon, and begin.  Let your intuition guide you.  The goal is not to have an artistic masterpiece, but a graphic rendition of how your body feels.  Squiggles, scribbles and blobs are more truthful than finely shaded contours.  

When you are finished with your body map, spend a few minutes looking it over.  Any surprises?  Are there any areas you had not noticed before that are speaking up? Are there areas that usually bother you that are calm today?  On the back of your paper, jot down your observations and thoughts.  Be sure to date each picture you do. 

If you do this exercise regularly, either daily, or 2-3 times per week, you will begin to notice that you are developing your own visual language.  You will discover that you use certain colors or lines consistently for certain sensations.  You will see over time what sensations stay the same, what changes.  You can share these pictures with your doctor, or other healthcare person, to help guide treatment. 

You can follow up your body mapping session with another, related exercise, which may help you transform or reduce your pain. Draw or get out another body outline.  Using your first body map as a guide, think about what might help each area feel better.  Massage?  Heat?  Cold?  How would you apply that modality to your body part?  You may visualize the sun’s rays warming and relaxing your muscles, or a cool stream of water flowing by, taking the pain away.  Draw it, and as you do, focus your mind on feeling the heat, or the coolness, or whatever you think would help.  

Visualization takes practice.  If you try this and it feels awkward, or doesn't seem to work for you, try again another time.  Give yourself as much time as you need to relax and observe your body's sensations.  For the second exercise, try to see and feel the sun's rays or the cool stream and how it would affect your body.   

It's My Arm, I'll Do What I Want With It

Way back in November, 2009, my husband and I started packing up our 4 bedroom house with a full basement to move to a one bedroom apartment,  no basement.   This required alot of sorting of belongings and moving of boxes, especially since we are a family of readers, and we love books.  That was when my lateral epicondylitis, AKA tennis elbow, started in my right arm, (my dominant arm, of course).  Over the months, I have tried to be careful how I use my arm, but there was alot to do, and I inevitably did too much.

I am an occupational therapist (OT), people get sent to OT's  to help them with tennis elbow.  However, I have been working in psychiatry so long, I don't remember much of the stuff I learned about physical disabilities.  So, like many people these days, I search the internet for information on how to treat my elbow and get rid of this problem.

Site after site told me to rest my arm during the acute phase, and avoid any actions that cause pain. Okay, so I am supposed to avoid turning doorknobs, picking up anything heavier than a paper clip,writing, etc.  That makes it tough to live my life when even basic things like bringing a spoon to my mouth and pulling up my pants cause pain.  The sites then go on to say to start to stretch and strengthen my arm when the pain goes down.  When will that be, I wonder?  Even when I do my best to minimize the use of that arm,  put ice on my arm, rest it, do the stretches my massage therapist showed me, the pain has not gone down.

I got a steroid injection in my elbow about 4 months ago.  The pain went away for almost 2 months, but then came back.  My doctor said I could have another injection, but there are dangers in this.  If you get these injections too often, it can weaken the tendon, or, if the injection is not done properly, the tendon can rupture.    I have tried oral steroids, in the form of a Medrol Dosepak, and a variety of NSAIDs with no improvement.  I have tried creams, pain meds, including some opioids, and even pain patches (very difficult to get them to stick on near an elbow).  I have gotten slight improvement of the pain, but these don't help the tendinitis itself.

This week, I got fed up, and decided to work on some carving I have been putting off until the pain calmed down.  We have a 200 year old oak mantle, and there are some parts missing that I am trying to replicate.  Carving oak takes strength, so I am only doing a little at a time.  Even so, my elbow is not happy with me. It is now resting, with an icepack for company.  I won't have time to work on it again until next week, meanwhile, I will see if the pain increases.  Even if it does, I am glad I did some carving.  It has been a long time.  Every once in a while, I think it feels good to do what you want, the consequences be damned.    

Coping From A to Z

I have a fun task for you, and it involves thinking, which is good for you.  When we aren't feeling well, or are in the midst of 'brain fog',. 'fibro fog', or whatever condition you have that attacks your ability to think clearly, it can be hard to come up with what to do to feel better.  Today's task will come in handy on those days.

Write the alphabet down the side of a piece of paper, one letter on each line.  If there aren't enough lines for all the letters, continue on the back of the paper, or start a new column about half way across the page.  This can also be done on the computer, if you prefer.  Now, start to brainstorm different ways to cope, and write them down after the letter of the alphabet with which they start.  For example, 'A' could be 'art'.  'B' could be 'bubble bath' or 'bake'.  "Ask for help' could go on the line for either 'A' or 'H'.  What is a 'coper'?   Dictionary.com defines 'cope' as:to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties,esp. successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.  A coper is any technique that helps you do that.  Write down things you know have helped you in the past, as well as anything you would like to try.

You don't have to stop at one coper for each letter, you can have as many as come to mind.  In fact, the more, the better, because then you will have more ideas to choose from. If you don't think you can do the whole alphabet, start smaller.  Use the letters of your name, or the letters of a word or two, such as 'COPING IDEAS'.  You don't have to do this all in one session.  You can start it today, and work on it over time.  You can add to it any time you like.   This can be fun to do with other people, and compare lists.  That way, you get more than one brain storming .

Besides the obvious benefit of having a nice list of copers when you are done, there are other benefits.  First, while you are working on this list, you are coping.  Your brain is focusing on brainstorming ways to cope, so it is not focusing on your pain or other problems.  Second, research has shown that doing brain exercises helps keep your brain working better.  So brainstorm away.  You may be surprised at how many ideas come to mind once you get going on this.

A Quiet Place of Your Own

Last week, I took my new kitten to the vet.  I did not know if she had gotten any vaccines yet, so we needed to start at  the beginning.  That meant first testing for feline leukemia, which, thank God, was negative. She got poked in one leg to draw some blood to be tested, then a little later, got poked in the other leg for the vaccine.

When we got home, Camille went straight to her food, which she tends to visit frequently throughout the day.  She lay down next to me on the couch, then she jumped down and disappeared.  I found her in our walk-in closet, under my husband's dresser, behind some shoes.  There she stayed until the afternoon of the next day.  She wouldn't eat anything, even her favorite tuna flavored cat treats.  She adopted my husband's plush slippers to lie on.  No meows, no purring, just stared back at us when ever we went to check on her.  She did come out to use her litter box in the morning, but went right back under the dresser.

After my lunch the day after the vet visit, I tried giving her the treats that were still sitting on the floor where I left them.  Camille slowly took one, then the other, and ever so slowly emerged from under the dresser.   I carried her to her food, where she ate a little, then lay down on the couch to sleep.  By evening, she was her usual playful self. meowing, purring, and climbing all over us.  

Camille wasn't feeling well after her ordeal, and went to find a quiet, secluded place, where she could rest until she felt better.  Cats instinctively do that, people do not.  We often just keep doing what we are doing, ignoring the signals our body is sending us.  Everyone needs time out sometimes.  Our lives are busy, we are constantly bombarded by the demands of others, as well as the demands of our own bodies.  Having a place to escape to can give us a chance to recover and refresh.  Even if the problem or the pain is still there, it may be easier to handle after a break.

Look around your home.  Where can you escape to?  Do you have a favorite room or a certain chair. where you are most comfortable?  The ideal place would be away from the flow of traffic in your home, where you can have some quiet time to yourself.  Maybe you can have your favorite chair moved to a more secluded spot, or, if you are lucky, maybe your family is understanding enough that you can ask them to leave the area for awhile, or at least be quiet and leave you alone.  Designate a place of your own where others will let you be.

There are many things we can learn from animals. They are so much more sensible than we humans.  Imitate a kitten.  Give yourself a time out in a quiet place.

A Kitten Of My Own

I am sitting on the couch in the living room.  Sleeping right next to me is a kitten.  Her name is Camille, short for chameleon.  The people we adopted her from had been calling her Snow.  I decided to rename her because her previously white fur has been changing color.  She has a dark tail and dark ears, and blotches of light tan, more now than when we first met her a week ago. 

We were on a walk last week, and stopped to chat with neighbors ‘up the road a piece’.  A cat wandered by, and they told us they had 4 cats, plus a kitten they had cleaned up and nursed back to health.  They were looking for a good home for her.  I turned to my husband and said “I want a kitty.” (Not the first time I have said this, but it was the first time he responded that we could talk about it.)  14 years ago, when we got married, I felt it was quite unfair that he got to keep both his sons, and I had to give away my daughter.  My husband and both his sons were allergic to cats.  (As you have probably figured out, his sons are human, my daughter was feline.)  Both kids are primarily out of our home now, one in college, the other in grad school. 

Last week they said the kitten was about 4 months old, this week when we picked her up they said they got her about 4-5 weeks ago, and she was about a month old then.  It has been many years since I had a cat, so I am not very good at estimating her age.  During the week before we got her, I searched online, trying to figure out what kind of cat she is.  She has blue eyes (common for kittens, less common for adult cats).  As I said above, she is changing colors.  I just learned that Siamese and Persian cats are born white, and get their color as they grow, sometimes changing for up to 5 years.  Camille has short hair, does not have a typically Siamese face, but apparently she has some Siamese in her, hence the color changing.  I am going to take her to the vet this week, to make sure she is healthy, get her vaccines, and see if they can tell me how old she is, and if she, indeed, has Siamese in her. 

Back in May, when we were visiting our oldest son in Boston, I wrote about the benefits of owning a pet, or having access to a pet to play with.  Now I get to enjoy a pet of my own.  Camille took to our cabin quite readily, and also to us, rubbing herself against us, climbing on us, and purring.  She took longer to come out of hiding when we got to our apartment Monday night, likely because she was scared during the 1 ½ hour drive from the cabin to the apartment.  Once she came out of hiding, she explored for awhile, and then settled in. She will be travelling back and forth between our apartment and cabin.  I got the same litter box, food dishes, etc. for both homes, which should ease her transition back and forth.     

I am really enjoying having my own kitty.  Petting her is calming, and my pain fades into the background when she is snuggled next to me, purring.  Having someone dependent on you for their basic needs helps get the focus off of you.  It reminds you that your pain is not the center of the universe as it sometimes seems to be.  If you don’t have a pet of your own, consider getting one, or see if you can ‘borrow’ one on occasion to give you some ‘pet therapy’.  I think it is a purr-fect idea. 

Taschlich: Throw Away Your Sins

This afternoon I participated in Taschlich, one of my favorite traditions of the year.  Tashlich is a Jewish custom from the Middle Ages where Jews go to a flowing body of water on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), and toss bread crumbs into the water.  The bread crumbs represent our sins, and the ceremony symbolizes getting rid of the sins from the past year so you can start fresh for the new year.  The idea of Taschlich comes from Micah 7:19, which states:  God will take us back in  love; God will cover up our iniquities.  You (God) will throw all our sins into the depths of the sea.  

Members of our Temple gather at a park along the Cuyahoga River.  We have a short service which consists of the quote from Micah along with some other relevant readings and songs, then we all toss our 'sins' into the river.  The weather always seems to be beautiful for Taschlich.  We hang out, chatting and eating apples and honey (another Rosh Hashanah tradition).  I can't speak for anyone else, but I always tear my bread into small pieces, and think about specific things that I may have done, such as being impatient, or grouchy.  I actually feel lighter afterwards.  Sometimes the holidays feel so somber and ritualized.  This is a nice break, and a chance to actually do something, instead of just talking/praying about changing our ways.  Even if you are not Jewish, I recommend trying this.  

Asking Forgiveness Sets Your Heart Free

The Jewish High Holidays are upon us.  The main theme of the holidays is repentance.  We are supposed to review what we said and did during the past year, and for anything we did that was not up to par, ask forgiveness.  One of the prayers that we say several times during the holidays has a line something like this: For a sin against God, God forgives.  For a sin against man, God does not forgive.  This means that if you have wronged a fellow human, you can't just pray to be forgiven.  You must first ask that person for forgiveness, then God will forgive you for it.

Some people take the holidays more seriously than others, and literally go to each of their friends and family members to ask forgiveness.  I don't do this, but I try to live my life so that I don't have alot of things to ask forgiveness for at the end of the year.  I try to make amends as I go along.  When I realize I have hurt someone, I try to go to them and discuss it.  Usually, they are more than willing to discuss it with me, and we end up closer than we were before.

In our society, people seem reluctant to take responsibility for their actions.  Asking forgiveness can be a scary thing to do.  You don't know how the other person will react.  Usually, though, they are pleased that you care enough to come to them and try to make amends.  Just think what a wonderful world this could be if everyone tried to avoid hurting others, and took responsibility for their actions if they did.  Even the most careful person can hurt someone inadvertently.

The key is in asking forgiveness, not in granting it. I will talk about granting forgiveness another time. Wikihow has an article about how to ask for forgiveness.  some things that it emphasizes is that you must understand what it is you did that you are asking forgiveness for, and be sincere in your request.   When you sincerely ask for forgiveness, you have taken a big step towards easing a kink in a relationship.  In Jewish tradition, you have made the effort, and that is what counts, even if the other person refuses to grant forgiveness.   Of course, everyone would feel better if forgiveness was granted, but you should still take pride in having taken the step. Holding a grudge, or allowing a hurt to fester causes more damage to you than to the person against whom you hold the grudge.  Asking forgiveness sets your heart free.

Collage to Cope

Making a collage can be a fun and enlightening experience.  Every time I have made a collage, I have kept it, because I feel a connection to it, like it has a secret meaning in my life.  A collage is easy to do.  Gather some old magazines, your own, or mooched from other people.  Women's Day, Family Circle and other magazines like these contain a wealth of tidbits, and any magazines of your interests or hobbies would work as well.  Catalogs are also good.  Try to get a variety of sources.  In addition, you will need a piece of cardboard or paper for your base (I like 11" x 17" or thereabout, it is not too big to be intimidating, but big enough to have room to play with.)  Scissors can be useful, but aren't really necessary. You will need glue or glue stick.

You can start with a theme in mind, like 'taking care of me', 'healthy living', 'my dream vacation', 'a perfect day', 'positive ways to cope with stress', or anything else that interests you.  Or you can make a collage of  anything that catches your eye, with no particular theme to guide you.  Start paging through a magazine, looking for images, words and phrases that you like that fit your theme.  When you find something, cut or tear it out.  Keep your mind open.  You may find things you would never have thought of on your own.  There may be a phrase that you can rearrange to fit your needs.  For instance, let's say you find an article titled "How Can I Go On Like This?"  You can keep just the words "I Like This", or "I Can Go On Like This", or  simply "I Can".

Some people like to glue their finds down as they find them, I prefer to collect everything first, then play with how to arrange them on my paper or board.  If you glue as you go along, be forewarned that you may find the perfect picture, but not have room for it.  I usually end up with some words and/or pictures left over.  You can put them in an envelope, and save them for another time.  You can make new collages as often as you like, on the same theme, or different themes. If you want, you can get very creative.  No one said you have to stick (pun intended) with magazine pictures.  You can add stamps, buttons, scraps of cloth, photos, etc.  Collaging can be similar to scrapbooking.  (This type of collage takes more forethought and planning, and is not as spontaneous or relaxing.)

The act of making a collage is relaxing and therapeutic.  Your mind quiets, and you become introspective.  The end result can be inspiring and uplifting, and can act as a reminder of what you have going for you.  Put it somewhere where you will see it often.   Making a collage is a great group project.  Gather some friends together, and go at it.  Besides finding items for their own collage, people will likely find items of interest to give to others.  You can present your collages to each other at the end, or put them all in the middle, and see if people can tell which is whose.